Posts

The Lake House Photos My Old Roommate Posted at Midnight

-
The Lake House Photos My Old Roommate Posted at Midnight RedeemedExistence daily devotional, October 19, 2026 My college roommate posted forty-three photos last night from his new place on the lake, his grandkids on the dock, a boat I could not even guess the price of tied up at his own private slip, and a caption about how blessed he feels at sixty-two. I scrolled through every one of them sitting in my recliner at eleven at night, and by photo thirty I was not looking at pictures anymore, I was doing math. He got the career I never got because I was drinking through the years that build a career. He got the grandkids coming to visit on a boat because his kids grew up with a father who showed up sober. I got sixteen years of sobriety now, which I do not take lightly, but I got it after I had already spent the years he spent building a dock. I put the phone down and sat in the dark a long time, not angry at him, just quietly convinced that God had handed him a different, better l...
Post a Comment
Read more

The Delivery Confirmation I Keep Refreshing on a Letter I Mailed My Estranged Brother

-
The Delivery Confirmation I Keep Refreshing on a Letter I Mailed My Estranged Brother I mailed the letter nine days ago, handwritten, three pages long, the first honest thing I have said to my brother in six years. We stopped speaking after our father's funeral, over things that felt enormous then and look smaller every year I carry them. I finally wrote it all down last week, the apology I owed him and the parts I still think he owes me, sealed it, and walked it to the mailbox myself instead of leaving it for the carrier, as if that mattered. Then I came home, pulled up the tracking number on my phone, and have checked it probably forty times since. Delivered to mailbox on Tuesday. That is all it says. It cannot tell me whether he opened it, whether he threw it away unread, whether he is sitting with it the way I sat writing it. The not knowing has moved into my chest and set up residence there, and I keep refreshing a page that has nothing left to tell me, hoping the checking...
Post a Comment
Read more

The Three Leftover Pills I Didn't Flush After My Root Canal

-
The Three Leftover Pills I Didn't Flush After My Root Canal I had a root canal three weeks ago, nothing dramatic, the kind of procedure half the people my age have had done without a second thought, and the dentist sent me home with a prescription for something stronger than I needed for the pain I actually had. I took two the first night, none the second, and the little amber bottle has been sitting in my medicine cabinet ever since behind the floss and the old cough syrup, with three pills still rattling around in the bottom of it. I am supposed to flush them. Every pamphlet in every doctor's office says so. I have told myself for three weeks that I will do it this weekend, and then the weekend comes and goes and the bottle is still there, and if I am honest with myself the reason has nothing to do with forgetting. I am sixteen years sober from a life that nearly ended in exactly this kind of bottle, and I know better than almost anyone what three leftover pills can tur...
Post a Comment
Read more

The 4:45 Alarm I Slept Through for the First Time in Nine Years

-
The 4:45 Alarm I Slept Through for the First Time in Nine Years I have gotten up at 4:45 every working morning for nine years without missing one, not because I am disciplined but because I learned a long time ago that the quiet before the house wakes up is the only hour nobody else is asking anything of me. Tuesday, the alarm went off and I heard it the way you hear something underwater, far off and not quite urgent, and the next thing I knew it was 6:10 and my wife was standing over me asking if I was sick. I was not sick. I was just finally, completely out of whatever a body runs on when it has been running on fumes for longer than it should have. I made it to the job site forty minutes late, the first time in nine years, and spent the whole drive feeling less relieved than ashamed, like my own body had betrayed a promise I had been keeping on everyone else's behalf. I got sober nine years ago, and one of the first things I learned in recovery was to stay busy, because an ...
Post a Comment
Read more

The Pawn Shop Receipt I Still Carry in My Wallet Eighteen Years Later

-
The Pawn Shop Receipt I Still Carry in My Wallet Eighteen Years Later RedeemedExistence daily devotional, October 18, 2026 I found it again this week behind my driver's license, folded into quarters so many times the creases have gone soft and gray, a carbon receipt from a pawn shop that closed down more than a decade ago. I took my father's watch there on a Tuesday afternoon, the good one he wore to church his whole life, and I walked out with sixty dollars that did not even last me until Thursday. I have been sober eighteen years. I have told that story in meetings, in testimonies, from behind a pulpit twice. I have apologized to my father's memory more times than I can count, and still, every few months, that receipt finds its way back into my hand, and I sit with it the way a man sits with a verdict he is waiting to hear read out loud again, even though it was already read, and settled, years ago. I used to assume forgiveness was a door you walked through once. ...
Post a Comment
Read more

The Left-Turn Arrow That Skips My Light Every Single Cycle

-
The Left-Turn Arrow That Skips My Light Every Single Cycle I sit at the same intersection every morning on my way to work, and for reasons I have never once figured out, the left-turn arrow at that light skips a full cycle about one morning in four. Not a shorter arrow. No arrow at all. The cars going straight get their green, the cars going straight the other direction get theirs, and the six or seven of us stacked up in the turn lane just sit there, engines idling, watching the whole thing reset without us. Tuesday morning was one of those mornings. I watched the cycle skip me, checked the clock, did the math on how late it was going to make me, and felt something rise up in my chest that had nothing to do with the two minutes I actually lost and everything to do with how much I hate being made to wait on something I cannot control, speed up, or argue with. I am ten years sober, and impatience was never a side effect of my drinking the way some of my other struggles were. It wa...
Post a Comment
Read more

The HOA Violation Notice Taped to My Front Door

-
The HOA Violation Notice Taped to My Front Door RedeemedExistence daily devotional, October 17, 2026 I found it when I got home from work, a bright pink slip zip-tied to my porch railing, informing me that my trash cans had been visible from the street for more than the permitted window and that a second violation within ninety days would carry a fine. I have lived in this neighborhood for six years. I know exactly which board member drives the loop on Tuesday evenings looking for something to write up, and I had the first three paragraphs of a furious reply composed in my head before I even got my key in the door. I sat down at the kitchen table, opened my laptop, and typed an email to the HOA board that would have been accurate in every detail and cruel in every sentence, and I am grateful, looking back, that something made me save it as a draft instead of hitting send. I am fourteen years sober, and conflict used to be one of the more reliable triggers I had, maybe the most ...
Post a Comment
Read more